I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
