DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
