Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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