i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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