he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
