So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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