i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
