That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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