Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
