My nipple is on Facebook.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
being pregnant is like rehab
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
