Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
