I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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