After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
