I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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