I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
