last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
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ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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