I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize