I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
