he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
