Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
