Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
