Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
