So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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