were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
