He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
