You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
