The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
