In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Drunk is not a location!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
