There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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