He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
