I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
