I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
