trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
