im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
