We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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