How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
