The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
