Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
