It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
