I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
