Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
