I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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