I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
