i need an iv and a liver transplant
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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