those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
