He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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