They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We left the knife in your bed.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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