wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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