Where is the hickey?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You are a genius and a whore.
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