id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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