Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize