i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
