she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize