All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
