Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
