I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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