You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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