drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Randomize
