So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
