Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
