I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
