Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
