I am in a vortex of obligation.
barbara walters just said penis...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
