then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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