There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
