We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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