I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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