i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
