Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just googled if crying burns calories
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
